Take My Life

How many times have I turned away

The number is the same as the sand on the shore

But every time You've taken me back

And now I pray You do it once more

Chorus :

Please take from me my life

When I don't have the strength

To give it away to You

Please take from me my life

When I don't have the strength

To give it away to You, Jesus

How many times have I gone astray

The number is the same as the stars in the sky

But every time You've taken me back

And now I pray You do it tonight

-by Third Day-

- s i l e n t -

tidak semua hal bisa diceritakan

tidak semua hal bisa diungkapkan

tidak semua orang bisa bercerita

tidak semua orang bisa dipercaya

Beberapa waktu lalu sempat ada teman yang bertanya sesuatu padaku tentang hal pribadiku. Jujur itu adalah pertanyaan ke-sekian kalinya yang ditanyakan olehnya. Dan tidak lama kemudian, ada orang lain lagi yang menanyakan hal yang sama kepadaku. Jujur saat orang pertama bertanya malas sekali aku menjawabnya. Mungkin karena aku terbiasa jika sudah pernah mengatakan sesuatu hal, aku tidak mau mengulangnya. Kuanggap orang itu sudah tahu seharusnya, tanpa peduli dia lupa atau tidak.

Memang siihh... ada salahnya... karena ingatan setiap orang berbeda... tapi sungguh topik yang ditanyakan pada saat itu aku memang tidak mau membahasnya... Kuanggap belum waktunya dan belum penting untuk saat itu kubahas. Lelah membahasnya... di sisi lain belum ada kepastian yang kulihat tentang masalah itu. Aku hanya berpikir ... tidak usah terlalu banyak diceritakan / ditanyakan ... cukup dukungan yang kuperlukan ... Lagi pula, aku juga terus menyiapkan diri untuk saat-saat yang tak terduga dan tak kuinginkan. Apapun hasil yang akan terjadi nantinya.

Bersitan yang paling buruk pun sempat terlintas di pikiranku, bahkan dengan orang yang akan tidak disangka-sangka kaitannya. Uhmmm... apalagi 1 orang teman juga sempat berbicara sesuatu tentang hal tersebut kepadaku. Tambah lagi dehh untuk aku tetap SIAGA 1. Hahahahaha.... ^o^

Ingin berdiam diri rasanya...

Ingin menyendiri...

Ingin mencari ilham yang baru...

Menantikan mimpi tergenapi...

Need time to SELAH...

Hehehe... ^_^

-- feeling sick --

Huaaa.. beberapa hari ini feeling sick banget di saluran pencernaanku... menuai hasil dari kurang minum dan makan pedas-pedas... serba salah nehh... maunya bobo, tapi bosan... makan mesti jaga-jaga... gak boleh pedas-pedas... hiks--hiks-- >.<

- - - g i D a R i d A - - - ( W a i T i n G )

 

These days I feel that I lose one thing about my feeling. I don’t  know why. Actually, I’m still waiting for an answer in my life. Don’t know why, as long as I’m thinking about it, there’re many His promises to me, that could give a reason for me not to worry about it.

But in fact, I face many things which could make me not standing firm. I said to God that I need to make up my mind about my future, what step I would take, I need Your signs in me.

But the answer is… He still keeps silent to me about it. I know that He doesn’t want to tell anything because I’ve known the answer. JUST BELIEVE and TRUST HIM… BE CALM and STAND FIRM on HIS WORD (Promises).

For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off.

-- Proverbs 23:18 --

this is my recent photo - it's taken this morning

this morning, when i woke up, i tried to give my best smile to God. I decided, everything i'd face, i'll try to give thanks to God. when i was at the meeting of ESC Team, God reminded me about give thanks again. and i shared it to the team. i felt like a new power came to me and all the friends who came.

suddenly i remember a phrase of a song :

i will bring praise

i will bring praise

no weapon formed against me shall remain

i will rejoice

i will declare

God is my victory and He is here

-- by Brooke Fraser and Jill M --

S u r P r i s E !!!!!

Yesterday i got a surprise!!!

I've never thought about it before. 

It's really an appreciation and a previlege for me.

When i was busy with what i did at office, suddenly my friend came near to my desk and gave me a box of packet. It's written my name, address of my office completely. But when i received it, my brain was still thinking, is it really for me?? from who?? and what kind of gift was inside??

Though still unbelieving with what i saw, something came to my mind, it's a name of someone from far away... and it's true what i thought... it's from her... It's a surprise, but i thought that i wasn't worthy to receive it. I thought, what has i done so i could receive it? I was speechless, while my friends are telling some joke to me... speechless and thinking and thinking....

Then i decided to open it, cause my friends asked me, too. I guessed something what inside was.. and the answer was true. There're 10 beautiful lamps.. and there's a letter on every lamp ..  it's said about she loves me. Again!!! After a few days ago it's said by her, too... I don't know exactly how many times she's said about loving and missing me. I don't know what has made her feels like that to me.

O yeah... just want to tell a little bit about her. She is a person who attended a camp which held in Surabaya a few months ago, where i was there to minister. That's my third camp of excellent servant camp in that city. I just know her by a story which told by her cell leader and a simple conversation when i prayed for her at that camp. Once before camp, i made a chatting with her and some sms of devotion. I was surprised because her name has been on my list of YM for long time. She added me from conference that held by my friend. The conversation was continued after camp... sometimes by chatting, sometimes by sms. And a surprise came to me on November 18th when i was chatting with her, she asked me to mentor her.... and i've done it since then.

It's my first long distance mentoring. And actually i love and enjoy it very much.

O yeahh... about the present... there's a card made by her inside. It's written about I Cor 13:4-8... it's about LOVE. The present is a valentine gift, she said. Weew.. great.... but it would be greater if a man who gives me. Huakakakakaka... ^_^ 

Thank you, God... for giving me a person who loves me.

Just a best wishes on my prayer i could say to God for her.

-- ^_^ --

- - Patient in Experience - -

 

I'm not a person who has good patient actually. I've realized it since a few years ago. Just now, i'm reminded by an experience when i was still a student. Every i taught my brother at home, i could be impatient person. It isn't caused of the laziness of my brother only, but i liked teaching people who had good and fast response (smart)... because it could save my time to do the other things.

 I find myself having relation with many people whom i couldn't be patient. And i realize that it's my process which He's allowed. I usually have a challenge with the people who has Phlegmatic and Sanguin personality. If the relation just as friendship, it doesn't matter... but i find a little difficulty in working relation. But, as a matter of fact... Phleg and Sanguin people are around me... hahahaha... I like Sanguin people because they could cheer the air of relation... Phleg people, they could make the hot situation becoming the peaceful.

But in working... especially for counting and anything related with numbers and fast moving... those people need grace to do... and i need grace to work with them, too.

Since i work, i've met them, and every person has a special experience. There had been crying and laughing. But at the end, i enjoy all things. Because everything that has happened brings goodness for every person in it. And these days, God wants me to level up myself... He allows me to meet stable people at work, which must be sharpened in the character. That's not easy for me cause they're under me and one of them is a man. I've to think and treat him as a man. Though many things happen, i know it's good for me to learn new things. To depend on God much more facing every case by case.

I know that i couldn't change other people, only God could do it. My duty is only change myself. Change my mind to think with a new perception to others. Change my response to become more patient. Change my style of intonation in speaking...so i could speak calmly. Change my attitude to accept and understand first, not judging first.

All the actions need a word which called PATIENT. Patient that based on a word which called LOVE.

Not only at work, in every single thing that i do, i've to practice it.

Patient in facing for the future...

Patient in doing hard work...

Patient in waiting for the dreams come true...

and so on...

So... I thank God for entrusting me to experience every great experience.

- - - PATIENT - - -

One of the definition of Love is Patient...

It's a simple word...

It's usually told by many people...

"The people who has it would be loved by God..."

But do you know what the other word of it ?

Patient is equal Suffereth Long (I Cor 13 : 4 - King James Version)

When you learn to be patient, you learn about suffering...

It's a suffering to wait a friend for an hour...

It's a suffering to train an employee who has not good character enough...

It's a suffering to teach children the lessons which they couldn't do well... etc...

It's not easy!!!

But...

Do you realize that Jesus has had all the sufferings?

2000 years ago ... even till now ... !!!

He's still patient waiting for us to come back to Him again and again...

Everyday ... Everytime...

So... don't give up!!!

Keep on Fighting!!!

Walk with Him... cause He's with you...

to teach you...

to guide you...

to show you the way where there's no way...

to deliver you...

to protect you...

to give you peace...

to comfort you...

to give you wisdom...

to strengthen you...

Whatever you need...

He's still patient to wait you come to Him...

knock the door...

seek and ask Him...

Whatever you face these days...

Face it bravely...!!!

even walk through the valley of the shadow...

you'll fear no evil...

Thy rod and staff will comfort you...

Be Patient even you walk through the desert...

whatever storm you face...

Be Still and Patient...

You'll find the beauty of His works behind all those things...

--nv--

He's still doing something in me...

Wow.. long time no write anything... now 00.30 - Monday, Feb 8th 2010...

Still couldn't sleep right now, so i decide to write a note here... while i'm writing, i'm online with my friend who lives far away... i've just told her something about what i experienced last year and it's still going on right now... it's about what God's still doing in me... there's something I’ve to learn…

Saturday morning, God said to me something about keep silent and trusting Him. I know it’s not easy for me to do it, cause I usually counter something what I think wrong.

At the beginning of this year, God reminded me to have a humble heart. A few days ago, I felt like an empty sheet of paper, and only allow Him to write many things new in my life. Starting all things from the zero… preparing my heart to accept the new wine…

Yes, I know it’s very great thing… but it’s not easy…
Need His grace…
Need His strength…
Need His miracle…

I know I’ve just to obey and trust Him…

About all things in my life… family, job, ministries, future, etc.

I believe… I can do it!!!

Philipians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”